Now, what is it that you do?

In my last post I pondered briefly whether mentoring can be effective, if the mentor does not consciously articulate how he or she is effective.

Recently, a professional said to me that he 'leads by example.' I asked what that meant: "Well, I act professionally, so that employees know what it looks like." Was he ever disappointed because some people didn't pick up on his cues? 'Sure. Some people just don't learn.'

Now, here I have to hit the [PAUSE] button. Before anyone criticizes, think about it, and ask yourself to be candid: haven't you done this very thing? Maybe you've coached an employee on a performance issue, and you've taken care to do all the right things in your coaching session: you make it safe for the individual to listen and learn; you describe the gap; you explain why it's important to close the gap; you gain a commitment. The employee responds well to the coaching, and even turns around his or her performance. Then you witness the same employee holding someone else accountable -- and he's doing ALL the wrong things -- it's a complete disaster. How did he not understand what you expected him to do when he was coaching his staff? You demonstrated it, right? He's a manager; he shouldn't have to be told everything!

Well, maybe your employee thought your behaviors were just a stylistic difference (you're 'touchy-feely'; he's 'direct'). Or maybe he thought that your approach works well with people on his professional level, but hourly employees need to be handled differently. There could be dozens of different assumptions that your employee holds. Thing is, you don't know what they are, because you didn't talk about it. At the end of your coaching session, it would be oh so easy to segue to asking what your employee experienced and learned in the session. Then, ask, "Is this what you would want for your own employees? Let's discuss how I led this discussion, to understand what I did that was helpful for you. It's important to me that you are able to benefit not only as an employee, but also in your professional development. It will also help me understand how I can better support you, as your manager."

I can readily admit that I have never gone to that next step, and explained how I manage to the managers who work for me. Yet almost everyone who works for me has expressed an interest in moving forward in his career to the next management or professional level. And yet, I focus my development coaching on what they are doing, and never what skills I have that I could share. Actually, it feels a little self-important to articulate my own behaviors -- who would be interested in that, right? Well, your employees who aspire to your role (or your level) would be absolutely interested. Employees would probably be fascinated to understand what you do every day, what you find challenging and what you learn. They definitely want to know what you're thinking. And they would be so grateful to hear about your mistakes, and what you learned from them.

I hear there's a television show that places CEOs in front-line positions, I assume to demonstrate just how clueless executives are. I agree that executives need to be present at all levels of the company, to understand employee and customer engagement. But equally important to employees is what the executive does. It's the same sort of curiosity that underpins Inside the Actors Studio (or the film Being John Malkovich?) or reading the autobiographies of famous business leaders. But you don't have to be John Malkovich or Jack Welch to be interesting to people in your company. And perhaps just reflecting on your own behaviors will help you become more aware -- which may even make you more effective than you already are.